We had a lovely day out at Bodiam Castle last weekend with a dash of neurotic husband and hyperactive toddler thrown in.
What I always relish is for the adult non-driver in the family to behave like a nervous wreck if you go above 30 in a 60 zone on country roads, pointing out possible hazards such as the motorbike five miles away in the distance on the other side of the road.
Once the delightful journey there was over, our next major decision was to decide where to picnic. Inside or out, inside or out, INSIDE or OUT. I DON’T CARE! We plumped for out as there were some handy picnic tables in the field where we parked, under the shade of some trees. A pleasant lunch ensued apart from our toddler playing chicken with the cars and deciding he would only either crouch or sit backwards when eating.

We then had to get over the next hurdle – how to get in. 

Husband: “Where’s the entrance?” 

Me: “I’m pretty sure it’s over there in the far corner where it says ‘Welcome to Bodiam Castle’.”

Husband: “Mmm…I’m not sure – what about all those people walking that way over on the opposite side of the car park?”

Me: “Yes, they are coming out of the exit.”

Husband: Are you sure that’s the entrance?”

Me: “Yes – it says ‘Welcome to Bodiam Castle’.”

Husband: “But no-one is walking that way.”

Me: “Those people are leaving. Over there is the entrance – it says ‘Welcome to Bodiam Castle’.”

Husband: “WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE EVERYTHING SO STRESSFUL!!”

Once in, and getting over our fear of our toddler dunking himself in the moat, we explored the castle, apologising for the numerous toddler photo bombs, trying to stop him climbing up the walls and falling off the turrets.
A nature lover at heart, he loved the fish in the moat, the bats in the rafters and the bees in the stonework – the simple things that make you pause and enjoy your surroundings before careening onto the next thing.
Skittles on the picturesque lawn outside the castle was a good idea until our toddler played football with them but it was great to be reminded of all the days spent there as children ourselves. It remains a favourite.
We managed to leave without further argument, furtively emptying wee from the potty behind the car, but not before checking the photos to discover I have the posture of a bag lady and husband thinks he has a paunch.