It was great to see news of Tommy’s National Centre for Miscarriage Research on BBC Breakfast on Friday, giving it the exposure it rightly deserves.
One of the many excellent points made was that discouragement of talking about pregnancy before the first scan perpetuates the problem of silence surrounding miscarriage.
The modern practice of not revealing you are pregnant until you have had the reassurance of a 12-week scan indirectly sends a message that you should keep quiet about miscarriage. ‘Thank goodness you didn’t tell anyone because you would then have had to explain what went wrong – wouldn’t that be awkward.’
I know that everyone is different and many people find it incredibly difficult to talk about, but for me, talking about it with others really helped and made me realise I was not alone – that this was a shared experience that many women (and men) have to deal with.
You are given the impression that somehow you can ‘jinx’ a pregnancy by talking about it early too, which sends a subtle message to women who miscarry that it is somehow their fault.
It should be a good thing that people talk about miscarriage more – I know the people we told about the pregnancies I subsequently lost are the same people who we turned to for support to help us through.
Miscarriage affects so many people and we need to shout that it is more than ok to talk about. Everyone needs to be heard in their own way.
Image from Pixabay
One thought on “The 12-week taboo”
Well said. I couldn’t agree more.
When I had my first miscarriage a close friend said “you must be feeling even worse because you’d told people you were pregnant”. It wasn’t meant unkindly but I felt as though she was judging me for it. Next time I got pregnant I didn’t tell anyone & it was much more difficult when I miscarried again because I felt unable to bring it up and it left me feeling really isolated. I think people should be able to do what they want without fear of criticism & judgement.
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